Fancy Footwork

Well its been a while, with all the violence on campus recently I was somewhat hesitant that anything in my newest post would cause me bodily harm. Because of this i have not posted anything for a week or something. While the violence is written about in the Collegian and even in the Boston Globe, I have yet to see one violent incident. The most violent thing I’ve seen in the last month was people tumbling down the hill due to all the ice that accumulates after it snows. Therefore I believe that the violence on campus is a hoax by the university to mask the real reason people are getting hurt: poor snow removal by the University. Lets face it, the Universities main solution to getting rid of snow/ice/rice is spraying sticky, stinky soy sauce all over the place. (Ok it might not just be soy sauce but it is brown and stinks) They even sprayed this morning and the sun is still out! Since the University is so bad at plowing/salting/shoveling/providing decent lunch at the DC, they have invented a “wave of violence”as an excuse for people falling down on the ice . I know this might be hard to believe as some people have been stabbed/beaten with lacrosse sticks, but I’m positive that if we dig deeper into these cases we will find Jack Frost was really to blame, and the University just does not have an answer to his weather trickery.

I will also predict that once spring arrives, this crime wave will end and the birds and squirrels and opossums will emerge once again from their winter hibernation to beautify the campus and make everyone happy. Until then keep a sharp eye out for ice and don’t become a victim of the University’s dirty dealings.

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